What Sleep?

Never knew that so little sleep could be so worth it. These two are just precious. Now mama is hallucinating on a semi-regular basis due to lack of sleep, but she wouldn't trade it for these two!

Little Miss Fierce

Sweet Ava Gray

I often find this girl sleeping under something she's pulled down on herself. In this case; her mirror. Sweet dreams Havyn Bree...

Yes, that's correct. She is attempting to gnaw on her sisters head. Actually tried quite a few times until I found her a paci. Ava Gray ignored her with grace. : ) 

Even in a state of exhaustion, I often just burst out laughing at these two...

(She favors fingers over paci)

My little "observer"

And lastly, Havyn getting ready to tell me something important.... 

Love these girls. Also love sleep, but for now it can wait. : )

Last Email (Home Sweet Home Sweet Home!)

Dear Friends,

It's been 5 days now since we brought Ava Gray home, but sometimes I still want to pinch myself to make sure this is all real; (yep, 2 babies in that pack-n-play!). It's been a week of adjustment for all 3 of us, minimal sleep, lots of laundry, and figuring out how we are going to do things so that all 3 Whit women get their basic needs met in a somewhat timely fashion. Interesting side note; I've discovered that taking showers and/or brushing ones teeth doesn't necessarily qualify as "basic needs": )  (Not the first mom to realize that I'm sure!) 

The girls are doing well. Even though she struggles with it at times, Havyn is doing a good job of learning to share her mama. God blessed me with a very laid-back second child. (At least at this stage!) I am thankful for her & for the way she catches my eye and starts her "silent giggling" (even when I'm busy with Ava Gray & cant give her my full attention). Sweet girl! Ava Gray is starting to rest & smile more herself. Makes me think of how happy it makes our Heavenly Father when we learn that is with us and we can "rest and smile" up at Him instead of being frantic and afraid. The girls are starting to snuggle up together when it's nap or nighttime. So fun to watch them discover one another (again). We've already been to one doctors appointment, and discovered that going out is no small thing. Thank goodness for our good friend Kristina P who went with: I will definitely not be trying to do that on my own. Ever. (Ok, well at least till they're a few months older!) 

In our short time home, we've been blessed with many dear friends who have stopped by to help (Thank you all!). I confess I'm feeling so cared for. It's so sweet to know that God can love us so well through one another.

I don't want this to get too terribly long, but I wanted to tell you a few things before I sign off (for the last time!):

One: I thank you so much for your prayers. They are (and were) powerfully answered. I am keenly aware of how vulnerable and helpless we were to sickness, despair & the temptation to be self-reliant during this past year. That you all have interceded for us often in prayer, I see quite literally, as friends having gone into battle to protect us. Thank you dear ones. We were spared so, SO much by the Father, through you. When you think of us, will you continue to pray? That would be such a gift! And please don't hesitate to let me know how I can be praying for you: now that we're home I have times where I can't move (babies in the arms), but have time to be quiet and talk to our Father. Would love to talk to Him about you.

If and when you do pray for us:

• I'm still praying for Ava Gray's healing. I would love for her not to need heart surgery in September because there was nothing to fix!
• Ava Gray needs to gain weight. (Even if she doesn't go to surgery in Sept). When we push her too hard she gags/spits up and can struggle to breath - scary for mama! At the same time, we have to keep increasing her feeds. I need wisdom - & I don't need to fear. : ) 
• My car, though currently working, will finally cost more to keep running than I could sell it for. Wisdom about how/when to sell and how/when to replace!
• I really want the work God is doing in my heart, dismantling the walls up against Him, to be fruitful, and to be sensitive to repent quickly when He shows me deeper levels of sin and hardness that He wants to forgive & heal! (Even on the day I brought Ava Gray home he revealed a whole new area of selfishness/entitlement I had never seen before). Praise Him that He doesn't give up on His kids!!!
• I would like to be making enough to support this family without any government aid by next March. There are some irons in the fire, but please pray that God would continue to provide & protect, and that I would listen & follow where He leads.
• I long to be equipped to parent these girls with grace and passion. Any parent out there knows that some days this feels like asking for the moon. Thankfully our God is loving & powerful and can give us...the moon! I know I'll need His grace hourly (minutely) - and have already had a preview of my utter weakness & helplessness or two during Ava Gray & Havyn's "simultaneous meltdown" times. 
• And one of my greatest desires of all; that these two girls would know their Heavenly Father at a very young age, and would trust and love Him as they discover His character. 

Thank you!

Two: I won't be sending out update emails anymore unless you specifically ask to be put on a list of folks I send "please pray!" emails to. If you want to see recent pictures of the girls and mini-updates on them (and us) though, feel free to check out my new blog: http://graceandthegirls.blogspot.com/. I'll be updating that whenever I can. : ) 

Three: I'd love to put a little picture book together for the girls of the people who loved them from before they were even born, and prayed them/wished them well through their first few months of life. If you're willing, would each of you email (or hard mail) a picture of yourself and/or your family to us? That would be so great! (Thank you) Our address is 2507 Woodyhill Drive, Nashville TN 37207. And this is obviously my email address. : ) 

Lastly; friends - HE DID IT!!! He brought her home! All those days when it looked so grim...He knew all along this day would come. 

"The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in Him."

Praising Him for the miracle of Ava Gray and the deeper miracle of softening my heart through this,

Jules

PS. Here's a few of the girls at home. (At home!)

A Dog & A Doctor

This past Friday we 3 Whit women went out for the first time. Together. On purpose. Our fabulous adventure destination? 100 Oaks for Ava Gray's first doctors appointment. She did well, as did Havyn, but it was a hilarious few hours... and I have videos to prove it. (Not all are appropriate to post here, but believe me, it was a hoot!)

One of the highlights was an enormous white dog named Louie we found wandering the halls, looking for children to sit with (accompanied by his owner, of course).

See here:

So what this picture fails to capture is Louie's...hugeness. He's a  Grand Pyrenees (I know it's probably pretty common, but I'd never heard of that breed before). He was so gentle with all the little kids who came up to grab his neck, throw themselves on his tummy, and entangle their fingers in his long fur. He truly was grand!  

I really wanted to know what the girls would think of Louie, but their first canine encounter was surprisingly anticlimactic. Havyn slept through the whole thing & Ava Gray ignored Louie entirely in favor of her paci. (Kids these days!) : )  Oh well, KP & I tried to pretend that Havyn was interacting with him, but our pictures show...well this: a sleeping baby being held up next to a giant white dog. Still, they're both pretty cool in my book!

Proof that KP & I don't know when to give up. "Look, she's walking on him!" I'm sure passer-by's thought we were nuts. P.S I'm fine with that.

I got to talk to Louie's owner. She & Louie volunteer at Vanderbilt (100 Oaks & Children's Hospital) to visit with sick kids. I got to see first-hand how much it means to some of those kiddos. One girl in particular (named Pat) had the most adorable coke-bottle glasses & couldn't stand on her own or hold her head up straight, but as soon as she saw Louie (and buried her face in his fur), she just lit up. It was precious. Such a fun treat for us. God bless Louie and his sweet owner... They're the coolest volunteers ever.

Red Wagon, Blue Sky

I never got the chance to send these out before we left the hospital. Pictures of Ava Gray's first time outdoors, and the first day she looked up and saw sky. It was such a fun day for me & her friends who were there for the event! 

Ava Gray's view for the last 4 months... (About to change!):

Setting out on our adventure....

Ava Gray's first look at foliage

Posing. (Mama Jules, Lauren, KP, Havyn & Ava Gray)

Our destination: the outdoor garden area on the 4th floor (Ava Gray's home for the past few months). Sites to see: water fountain, lots of trees, shrubs & greenery, blue skies, fluffy clouds, smiling faces of friends. Sounds: water, breeze & laughter. Conclusion: a great time was had by all. Especially, I think by Ava Gray. (Who quietly took everything in with wide eyes - lots to think about for a girl whose been indoors since birth!). Thanks you, Lord, for gifts like this....

At Laaaast!

In God's perfect timing, through the prayers of His saints & the loving hands at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital,  the 3 Nash-Whitacre women were finally reunited - at HOME! Ava Gray joined us here on Tuesday, July 12th 2011, after a very sweet send-off from her nurses and medical staff (who have become like a second family to her & Havyn & I over these past 4 months).

Meet a few of our favorite Vandy folk:

Erin: Practically a baby-whisperer. It's not her fault Havyn is melting down here (we think she's teething!) Erin rocks.

Lee: A super-sharp, loving & hilarious nurse who was Ava Gray's first primary, and a blessing to Mama Jules! I could go on, but I would get to rambling. Cuz I love this woman. As you can see in the pic, Havyn thinks she's pretty cool too. : ) 

Amy: A kind woman with a gentle touch: teaching Mama Jules one last time how to work with Ava Gray to help her develop her "skills"

Bonnie: Another primary & a total jewel. Seriously. We were so glad to have Bonnie on Ava Gray's team. (I felt bad that she always seemed to get Ava Gray on the "bad days": surgeries, vaccines, uncomfortable tests... she hated having to do the painful stuff but did it with such grace & gentleness.) ♥

Vicky: I was forever mixing up OT and PT (sorry Vicky, Amy & Laurie!), but I am super grateful for the women in both. They are so skilled at what they do and were so gentle with Ava Gray. I learned a lot from these gals.

Jeff: like so many of her nurses,  even when he wasn't working with Ava Gray, he'd stop by from time to time just to check in and say hello.

Annie: There really are no words to describe her adequately. The best I can come up with is Anne of Green Gables "all growed up." She loves people well, and always has a hilarious story about funny things that just happen to her.  P.S. She also has a heart of gold and has been an amazing, amazing nurse to Ava Gray. (And to me)

Bonnie again. Did I mention that we ♥ Bonnie?

Jan: Loves dogs & little babies. Always comes by to rib the girls and keep them in line. Well....she tries to at least. Jan makes us laugh. : ) 

Lori & Sarah: Wonderful, wonderful women! (also primary nurses for Ava Gray) I wish I had a picture of our other Sarah (H.) too. She and Lori worked nights and when they were on I was able to leave the hospital with the knowledge that Ava Gray was being cared for by people who knew & loved her almost as much as I did.  Laughed, cried & prayed with me many a time.  I am forever grateful for these precious ladies!

Annie sending us off. The girls love their Annie, and the feeling is mutual!

*NOT pictured: 

• Debbie: Our other primary nurse with awesome spunk (& an awesome accent).
• Carol: The lactation consultant at Vanderbilt that, I'm not kidding, may actually be an angel. She has been the 'aroma of Christ' to me at so many hard points in our stay there, and shows such love & compassion to the NICU moms....Grateful doesn't begin to cover it. 
• Lauren, Tiff & Morgan: Havyn's care partners from back when she was Inpatient. They followed her over to meet her sister, fell in love with both, and have been visiting us almost daily this whole time. Always bringing hugs, laughter & smiles. Such a treat for us!
• The team at Vandy Valet (esp. Mesfin & Michael & Frances & Sue) - always taking care of us and keeping things lighthearted... They've been truly kind & have faithfully prayed for the girls. We are thankful for them!
• Mary Emily (Ava Gray's friend: double-name girls stickin together!). A smart, sassy & funny nurse who we just think is awesome. 
• Joy & Keri. Two nurses who encouraged with their faith (apparent in both word & deed), during some really hard times. Realistic & hopeful. That's what the gospel allows us to be, right? Well it was lived out in front of me by these two.
• All the sweet women who checked us in & out of the NICU each day; Sandra, Kimberly & co!
• And of course the doctors & physicians who have been through this whole wild ride with us. They gave us such excellent care! Dr. Bennett, Dr. Carroll (& Nancy & Patti♥), Dr. Walsh, Butler, MaryBeth, Rojas, Beth...and the list goes on. These guys know their stuff, and care for their patients (& patients parents) with such compassion. I cannot imagine a better place to receive medical care. God used them to save my daughters life. How do you even begin to thank someone for that? 

All the same....If any of you are reading this, thank you.

***

So as I'm writing this, we three girls are happily living in our pajama's for a change. So nice not to have to get gussied up every day! (Although I admit, it is really fun to dress up girls - so many fun clothes!) Speaking of, the last day at the hospital was a long one (we didn't leave until around 7pm), and, being babies, the girls went through a couple outfits......

Pink.

Tropical.

"Tropical Steel"

And though they didn't get to wear them that day: "Bows" (the outfits a "little elf" dropped off for the girls. sweet. little. elf.)

***

Lastly, just wanted to share a sweet story from the night before Ava Gray came home. A friend was watching Havyn so I could run and pick up groceries (knowing it would be a while before we'd be up for going out and foraging for food). I was checking out at Trader Joe's and was talking to the man ringing up my groceries, when he stopped and asked someone come over to finish up for him. I didn't think much of it. Right before I walked out, though, he came running up and handed me these, saying; "these are for your girls."

 

Now wasn't that kind?

Signing off for now. Want to say this before I go: our Heavenly Father is such a wonderful provider & protector. He's the one who really brought Ava Gray home. Thanking Him tonight for such a huge miracle, and for the many small & everyday reminders he thinks up to remind us that he loves us girls. (like flowers from a guy at Trader Joe's). 

Thank you Father.

The Big Day

Friends & Family -

It looks like there's a strong possibility that we may be going home tomorrow! (Although the NICU life really drives home to a person the truth that we may plan, but God is the one who directs our steps!). Today was full of checklists & mini-trainings at the hospital (have to get them all in before we can be discharged), various friends stopping in and saying their goodbyes, the sisters hanging out and getting all feisty together, and mama Jules trying to take it in that this. is. actually. happening! 

Thanking God for these two precious girls and for His promises which, even when they don't seem like it, are always "yes and amen" in Jesus. 

With a full & thankful heart,

Jules

The Final Countdown

Dear Friends,

The medical team's best guess is that Ava Gray will be coming home Monday or Tuesday. (This Monday or Tuesday!) To say I am thankful is a huge understatement. : ) She is still working hard to tolerate full feeds (and increased calories) in a shorter amount of time. She is often uncomfortable during/after her meals, but she is so darn cute even when she is hollering about things not being up to par! She's also started a new little trick of pursing her lips, zerberting the air & then blowing bubbles... (It's pretty adorable, I have to say) She is no longer attached to any IV's or PIC lines, so we can take her off the monitors for little stretches of time to "walkabout" the NICU. It is so precious to hold her without what felt like a zillion wires and tubs connecting her to her bed. (!) She seems to love her little jaunts out of her room - her eyes as big as saucers trying to take in all the new sights! 

Well, I'll write again when we know for sure what day her homecoming will be. The plan is to have her home for 2 months before going back in for heart surgery in September. (The team expects that she would only have to stay for a week or less after that procedure). I'm not sure yet if the doc's will want us to be around large groups & kids in the interim period. Would love it, as we miss all of you terribly, but we'll just do what we need to for Ava Gray. Will definitely keep you posted on all that once we get it clarified.

Thank you friends for all the prayers and for clinging to His promises with us. Isn't it sweet to look back on what we were pleading for in the midst of really hard and uncertain times?........

Jeremiah 17:14 Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.

Psalm 37:39-40 For the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him.

Isaiah 49:23b-25 Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who wait for me shall not be put to shame. Can the prey be taken from the mighty, or the captives of the mighty be rescued? For thus says the Lord: "Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken, and the prey of the tyrant be rescued, for I will contend with those who contend with you, and I will save your children."

Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.

Isaiah 30:15 This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." 

Isaiah 41:12-13 You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "fear not, I am the one who helps you."

Isaiah 49:13 Sing for joy, O heavens & exult O earth; break forth, O mountains into singing! For the Lord has comforted his people and will have compassion on his afflicted.

Revelation 21:5 And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."

His promises were what we clung to when things looked really dim, but I have to admit that my "clinging" felt very weak at times. Now as Ava Gray gets ready to come home, those same promises of Protection & Provision remind me that it never was about me being an amazing "clinger," but about the One we were attaching ourselves to. He is so amazing in the creative and gentle and mind-blowing ways that He brings Himself glory and loves His children.

Super-tired tonight, but so incredibly joyful about Ava Gray!

Goodnight friends - 

Jules

PS. The pictures of the sisters together were taken today - they kept trying to hold each others hands. Too precious!

The Day After

Dear friends,

Ava Gray had a really great night last night (pain under control, some good rest, no further bleeding), but this morning was a bit of a rough one for her. The pain seemed to be a little more intense and we found out she'd lost more blood yesterday than the team had expected her to. This afternoon she got a blood transfusion and some well-deserved zzzz's. Half way through her blood transfusion (and after we started getting a little more aggressive with her pain management) she started perking up and "talking" - munching on her fingers, and telling us that she would like some food, thank you very much. (Can't give her any till tomorrow at least, so were not able to comply, but love that she's up for asking!) I cannot thank God enough for her nurses, who care for her with such compassion & focus, and for my friends who have taken such good care of Havyn in the past few days, giving me time to be really present with Ava Gray. ♥ My heart & body are tired today, and I am thankful that God's love & promises don't waver when we do! Also thankful that He loves this girl so much and so well. Please pray for rest for her, for me, and the dear folks caring for her. 

Will keep you posted - 

Jules

(The pictures show Ava Gray before & after her surgery & Havyn just being....Havyn)